Post by Rosie on Dec 25, 2010 0:17:15 GMT 12
...about where things are going.
There are two parts of this; concerning all of us then just me, mostly.
What happened? We used to be such good friends. We could talk about anything and do anything; we could pick on each other and it would actually be taken as a joke and people would laugh; we enjoyed ourselves. Don't you guys remember when we stood up for each other? I loved you guys. A distinct moment sticks out in my head. Back when I was just that little, naive, sweet boy and I was being picked on by that Blu character in the SHQ. Tink actually stood up for me. Said if someone picked on me the whole rpaa would be behind my back. This touched me but now it just makes me sad. If that were to happen now I wouldn't put it against you all to just point and laugh. When something went wrong we were there to back each other up. Maybe we weren't the most effective, or useful, group but it meant something. It meant something to say we were family. The only person I've seen so far to actually hold onto that, at all, is Bax. But he's hardly around. Isn't that sad?
It seems as if we treat each other like trash. Every one of us suffer from this. I'm sick and I'm sad and I'm tired. I'm tired of this. I'm as much in fault, if not more, than everyone else.
I want to restore the rpaa. I want a new home here, yet not here. though we hold so many good and fun memories, we've tainted this place with so much filth, hate, and terrible feelings.
I feel as if there will be those who want to say "Hey, this is the rpaa." because that's what they were brought here into. That's how terrible this is.
Do you guys care? How many of you feel this way?
This part is about me. Just how I feel and my anti-social behaviors. My mini-depression rant. I doubt many of you care but I would like to think you do. I've noticed topics by me get little to no attention.
I became a dick. I know I have. I'm such a terrible, anti-social person that when I began to feel that acceptance here I used it to my advantage. I felt as if I could do anything and I would still be that "cool" guy. I've never felt that way before. People don't talk to me. I don't make friends. And when I did I fucked it up. I've lost more friends then I have won. In the past year+ I've gained two friends and I've lost all of you.
Skittles: I don't think we were ever close but I always felt respect for him, and a little back. When we had talked it was sweet or fun; it was great. But now when I speak to him all I feel is hostility. I don't know if that's the real case, and today I was invited to a game. That made me feel so good.
Tink: Like Skittles I never felt too close to you. Before the bad days, or in the transition, we fought a lot. We were children. It happens. But then, when I talked or argued, or did something incredibly stupid and you went SHITRAGE on me, I felt something. I IM Tink a lot, probably more than I should, but I enjoy talkie to my "friends". It's just "yeahyeahyeah" I read one thing and think another. Like she just wants me to shut up. Then I do.
Las: It's no secret I used to really like Rissa. Various ways. She was my friend. My close-close friend I would do anything for. We talked about personal crap, random shit, really nothing of interest. It was fun. And now it's about the same as with Tink, if not worse. I feel like this with a lot of people. Like they just want to evade me. It's terrible.
There are others, many, all of you. But at 6:03 am I'm running on empty almost.
I don't make a lot of friends. I make very little. There are three, maybe four people, three irl, that I talk to. Not even on a regular basis. I can't see why anyone would find me interesting. And when they do it baffles me, and I think I avoid that. I get nervous and I spew things. I'm not funny, I'm not interesting, I'm not good at games, and I'm terrible with people. My closest friend, other than Jerry, is Trike and I feel he only likes me because he's too nice to do otherwise. I can never seem to get things to work.
I cried writing this. All of it. I hate this.
Thank you.
Love,
John
There are two parts of this; concerning all of us then just me, mostly.
What happened? We used to be such good friends. We could talk about anything and do anything; we could pick on each other and it would actually be taken as a joke and people would laugh; we enjoyed ourselves. Don't you guys remember when we stood up for each other? I loved you guys. A distinct moment sticks out in my head. Back when I was just that little, naive, sweet boy and I was being picked on by that Blu character in the SHQ. Tink actually stood up for me. Said if someone picked on me the whole rpaa would be behind my back. This touched me but now it just makes me sad. If that were to happen now I wouldn't put it against you all to just point and laugh. When something went wrong we were there to back each other up. Maybe we weren't the most effective, or useful, group but it meant something. It meant something to say we were family. The only person I've seen so far to actually hold onto that, at all, is Bax. But he's hardly around. Isn't that sad?
It seems as if we treat each other like trash. Every one of us suffer from this. I'm sick and I'm sad and I'm tired. I'm tired of this. I'm as much in fault, if not more, than everyone else.
I want to restore the rpaa. I want a new home here, yet not here. though we hold so many good and fun memories, we've tainted this place with so much filth, hate, and terrible feelings.
I feel as if there will be those who want to say "Hey, this is the rpaa." because that's what they were brought here into. That's how terrible this is.
Do you guys care? How many of you feel this way?
This part is about me. Just how I feel and my anti-social behaviors. My mini-depression rant. I doubt many of you care but I would like to think you do. I've noticed topics by me get little to no attention.
I became a dick. I know I have. I'm such a terrible, anti-social person that when I began to feel that acceptance here I used it to my advantage. I felt as if I could do anything and I would still be that "cool" guy. I've never felt that way before. People don't talk to me. I don't make friends. And when I did I fucked it up. I've lost more friends then I have won. In the past year+ I've gained two friends and I've lost all of you.
Skittles: I don't think we were ever close but I always felt respect for him, and a little back. When we had talked it was sweet or fun; it was great. But now when I speak to him all I feel is hostility. I don't know if that's the real case, and today I was invited to a game. That made me feel so good.
Tink: Like Skittles I never felt too close to you. Before the bad days, or in the transition, we fought a lot. We were children. It happens. But then, when I talked or argued, or did something incredibly stupid and you went SHITRAGE on me, I felt something. I IM Tink a lot, probably more than I should, but I enjoy talkie to my "friends". It's just "yeahyeahyeah" I read one thing and think another. Like she just wants me to shut up. Then I do.
Las: It's no secret I used to really like Rissa. Various ways. She was my friend. My close-close friend I would do anything for. We talked about personal crap, random shit, really nothing of interest. It was fun. And now it's about the same as with Tink, if not worse. I feel like this with a lot of people. Like they just want to evade me. It's terrible.
There are others, many, all of you. But at 6:03 am I'm running on empty almost.
I don't make a lot of friends. I make very little. There are three, maybe four people, three irl, that I talk to. Not even on a regular basis. I can't see why anyone would find me interesting. And when they do it baffles me, and I think I avoid that. I get nervous and I spew things. I'm not funny, I'm not interesting, I'm not good at games, and I'm terrible with people. My closest friend, other than Jerry, is Trike and I feel he only likes me because he's too nice to do otherwise. I can never seem to get things to work.
I cried writing this. All of it. I hate this.
Thank you.
Love,
John
